


Solace

by acrossthestar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force-Sensitive Reader, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Jedi Reader (Star Wars), M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, could be platonic if you squinted, this man has been through way too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 23:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrossthestar/pseuds/acrossthestar
Summary: after the death of satine kryze, obi-wan kenobi returns from mandalore to the jedi temple and seeks solace in you.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi/You, but satine's dead so it's just flashbacks
Kudos: 20





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i wrote this in all lowercase before changing it so i apologize if the capitalization is off!

Though you didn’t know much about their relationship, you knew from a very young age that Obi-Wan Kenobi loved Satine Kryze. The Jedi and the Duchess were destined to live their lives apart, honor bound to serve the people before themselves, whether it be the citizens of Mandalore or the Jedi Order. You had seen them interact firsthand, the endless bickering and shrewd glances at one another making a feeble attempt to cover up how they truly felt. You hated the way your stomach twisted and your heartbeat quickened when you saw how he looked at her, overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions a Jedi were barred from feeling. He drowned in her touch, however subtle that might be, her hand on his face leaving him with burn marks, his fingers on fire as he grasped her wrist.  
You stood idly by, hopeless in the shadows, because that was what the Force had destined for you. You, like Obi-Wan, had duties as a Jedi, duties that you would put over your own well being and selfish desires, even if that meant spending hours watching Obi-Wan languish in the realization that life would never allow him to be happy. He’d lost his Master at an age where, although he was not terribly young, he was still vulnerable to the world and its brutalities.  
Life had not been kind to Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was old when he started training, feeling the need to work twice as hard as his fellow initiates, just for him to be remembered and not cast aside. He was constantly battling his darkest fear, that he was _never_ _good_ _enough_ for his Master and he would one day be considered unmemorable or _unworthy_.  
Life was still cruel to Obi-Wan Kenobi. He felt the cold, bony fingers of Satine Kryze cradle his face, leaning into her touch before she fell back limply, dark blood staining her abdomen. Around him, Maul laughed, as _vengeance_ had finally been served. All those years the scarlet skinned Zabrak had spent wasting away, he only had one thought: _Kenobi_. It was a mantra that kept him going, a fire that fueled him, that drove him so far to the point of madness that the only thought echoing in his mind was exacting his revenge on the man who had caused him so much misery, Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
With some much needed help, Obi-Wan had escaped his jail cell on Mandalore, but Maul had won, for now he was trapped eternally in a prison of his own mind. If he closed his eyes, he could still see Satine in all her beauty. The soft, pale buttercup locks of hair were strewn messily across her face, framing her pointed features that highlighted her regality. Her eyes, normally a stunning, brilliant blue, were now overshadowed with heavy purple circles underneath, fluttering once, twice, before lying still. Obi-Wan could still feel the ice of her touch on his auburn beard, could still hear the hoarse whispers of her final, dying breath in his ears. Worst of all, he could still sense through the Force as her life signature died out, like a warm sun casting its final rays before leaving a planet in darkness.  
He had loved her, and she had loved him.  
Though light years away, separated by many planets and suns and stars, you could sense his anguish. It was overpowering, tainted by the Dark Side; this was the closest Obi-Wan had been tempted to stray away from the Light. Still, he clung on to the light, clung on to the idea that there was still _good_ in the world, despite every curve thrown in his way.  
The night ahead of you, should Obi-Wan not return before then, would be sleepless, as worry for the man ate at your insides, and you were helpless to resist as it consumed you. You were, despite the Code's warnings, _attached_ to him, and he you, and that was the most dangerous thing a Jedi could be. The very idea of caring for one being over another was discouraged, but no one prepared you for how hard it would be to follow a code you lived by.  
At last, you sensed his presence here in the Jedi Temple. Throwing on a beige cloak, you quietly shut the door of your sleeping quarters to greet him. It was late enough in the evening for the Temple hallways to be barren, but not too absurdly late for you to be awake, as the bright yellow hues of the Coruscanti sunset dimmed and made their final goodbye through the transparisteel.  
“Obi-Wan,” the breath caught in your throat as your eyes met his. He resembled a shell of who he once was, clad in red Mandalorian armor that oddly suited him. His russet hair was disheveled, dirtied by dust and sweat, shoulders sagging as his arms lay limply at his side. His ocean eyes were swimming with sorrow and grief, mourning the loss of someone — it didn’t take much to put the pieces together. Satine Kryze. He had gone to rescue her, and returned alone.  
“Y/N,” his voice is like a melody in your ears, though his tone is solemn and tired. They stood close enough for it to be amicable, but far enough for it to be agonizingly respectable. neither of you made any movement to get closer, knowing the probability of someone stumbling upon them was far too likely.   
“What happened?” You bit your lip, studying his face. His eyes didn’t quite meet yours, his fair skin littered with dirt and battered with cuts and bruises.  
“Maul,” came the short response. “He… I must report to the Council.” Waves of alarm began radiating off of him, as if he had just remembered something important.  
“Master Yoda and Master Windu are both away,” you sucked in your breath. “It's not worth it, you should speak to them tomorrow.” All he could muster was a nod of his head, and you knew then that he would only talk about it in time. Silently, mannerisms mirroring one another, you began walking, your pace slow and your shoulders brushing just slightly every few steps. There wasn’t much to be said; Obi-Wan was silent for most of the short trek back to the Jedi sleeping quarters.  
“Will you be alright?” You stopped in your tracks, pausing in front of his quarters.   
A faint smile crept onto his face, his lips twitching upwards but his eyes remaining dull, as if he was sharing an inside joke with himself. He nodded quickly before turning to enter his quarters. “Thank you, darling.”  
However persuasive the famed _Jedi_ _N_ _egotiator_ was in his prime, there was something about the way his voice sounded so _tired_ that made you doubt the truth of his words.   
Obi-Wan’s name was on the tip of your tongue before he disappeared behind the door of his quarters, not allowing you to call after him; he could lie to you once, to save you from needless worry, but he could not do so twice.  
Without much resistance, you retreated to your own space, the walls and floors scarcely decorated, what little furniture you did possess simple and modest. After a moment, you retired to your sleep couch and allowed your sore muscles a bit of relaxation. Sleep did not come to greet you, not even as you spent hours tossing and turning, the normally soft mattress underneath you now lumpy and hard.  
With a sigh, you threw the covers over you aside, wincing as you were greeted with the coldness of the floor as your feet touched the ground. You made your way to the hallway, pitch black and coated with a blanket of silence, a dim light seeping through the cracks of the door opposite of yours. Obi-Wan was still awake. Raising your hand to knock on the door, you were surprised as your knuckles were met nothingness, as the door slid open automatically.  
Obi-Wan had not moved since the night began, sitting in his own turmoil. The Mandalorian armor had been stripped off of him and was now cluttered in a corner of the room, and it looked as if he had used the refresher — droplets of water still clung to his hair, and his sleeping clothes looked fresh and clean.  
“Can’t sleep?” You spoke up with a rueful smile, careful to keep your pitch low enough so only he could hear them. The door closed behind you, and then it was just the two of them. He looked up; dark circles of grief and exhaust making him appear older, more fragile. In a hasty, unsure movement, you had crossed the length of the room and settled yourself next to him, the sleep couch dipping slightly under your added weight.  
There were so many questions you longed to ask him, like the details of his journey to Mandalore, and why he couldn’t even bring himself to say more than a few words at a time. But patience was a Jedi’s greatest tool, and you forced yourself to simply sit in silence, the feeling of Obi-Wan’s grief hanging heavy in the air.  
“I lost her.” His voice was hollow, monotone. There was no need to say her name, but it entered your mind anyways. _Satine_.  
“I know,” you let out a weary sigh. “I... I’m so sorry.” Without more words, you felt his body shift, feeling the heat coming from his body as he drew closer to you. “You need to rest, love.”  
There was no reason for him to protest, but you knew why he had stayed awake for so long. Nightmares. They would haunt him for the rest of his life, chasing him mercilessly for as long as he remained asleep. No matter how awful life treated him, Obi-Wan Kenobi never cried, at least not in front of anyone — instead, he allowed himself to rot away, internalizing everything for fear of burdening another being with all of his agony.  
Tonight would be no different, you suspected, as you felt a weight on your shoulder, as a head full of strawberry blonde hair, still dewy with shower water, rested against your side. It was hesitant at first, as he barely allowed himself to lean on you, but after a moment of his cheek on your shoulder, he collapsed, the full weight of his body and all his worries heavy against your frame. As your arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer to you, your breath was light and tense. This was the closest you’d ever been to him, to _anyone_ , really, the feeling of his skin against her own was a foreign concept you'd never dared to explore.  
It was the way he smiled. It reminded you of warm summer days, of lazy mornings on Naboo surrounded by nothing but fields of flowers soaked in sunlight. He was like the sun, bright and hopeful; steady and dependable.  
It was the way he laughed. It reminded you of cozy winter nights, of waking up to a ground littered with snow, the frigid air of the outside making evenings surrounded by a crackling fire intimate and welcoming.  
It was the way he looked at you. His gaze reminded you of a chilly autumn breeze, of carefree days and brisk weather that made your skin tingle, your heart feeling light and free, singing to the fallen leaves of the sky.  
It was the way he touched you. It reminded you of spring, of new flowers blooming in soft sunlight, of plants budding with new, green life and animals of all shapes and sizes fluttering around with their young. It was the start of something new.  
You loved him.  
It went against everything you stood for, but you loved him.  
And maybe somewhere, buried deep within his soul, he loved you too.  
In another lifetime, perhaps you were the right person at the wrong time, or the right person at the _right_ time. But in this timeline, where the Jedi Code was carved into your bones, where the light side ran through your veins, where your duty came above your being, it was the wrong circumstance.  
You had been so deep in thought, woefully wishing for love from a man who could not do so, that you hadn’t noticed how Obi-Wan’s breathing slowed, how his eyes, which had once fought to stay open, were now blissfully shut. The man who had been through so much, who had endured so much heartbreak and loss, had finally sought solace in your arms.  
Your own eyes fought to stay awake, knowing how much trouble you’d be in if anyone caught you both in such a… _compromising_ position. However innocent the intention may be, the Council would not see it that way. Your last conscious thought was that of _I must wake up before sunrise_ , before you lapsed into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> just a one shot but feedback is highly appreciated! crossposted on my tumblr <3


End file.
